We've decided on a name: Lucas. and we will call him LUKE. Baby Luke. Luke Fillman. Such a nice ring to it. And Adam and I decided on this name amicably which makes it all the more wonderful. As of right now we are leaning towards Lucas Rushton.
So this whole baby thing is pretty epic. So many things in our lives will change in a few months. So many things have changed already. (Including my pants size.) What I really mean is my entire outlook on life. Just when you think you have certain things figured out... New Life, Innocence, Growth, Love...Every kick inside my belly is the best feeling because it's all of those things at once. Anatomy, Biology...how our bodies are designed to grow, nurture and support a human life inside of us...It's exhilarating, and truly weird at the same time. Nothing can be more beautiful than this. What a wake up call! I was always the girl that said...noooo, I don't want kids, not ready for that, not yet, woah woah woah, no, no, no...slow down. The big question...can I do this? Would I be a good parent? But out of nowhere, life happens. What is meant to be will be. And now all I can think is yes, yes, yes...this is right. This is beautiful, natural, a gift, a blessing, an experience to learn from, grow, give and become more aware, patient, loving, observant.
Here are a few excerpts from messages that I've received from a couple of wonderful friends I have who have become amazing mothers recently...I reread these all the time.
"A baby is the most beautiful, complex, perfectly unimaginable/imaginable and expectable being on the face of the planet! Seriously...whether you are pregnant when you least expect for or plan it (like I was with my darlin') or whether you work for 15 years to finally have a baby...either way, it always comes when you NEED it to...whether for your well-being or theirs, life happens. And it is the most beautiful, unbelievable experience in the world. I've witnessed your travels and adventures through your beautiful blog, and I can honestly say that with all the amazing things that you've seen, nothing in the world compares to the amazing things that you feel when you bring a new life into this impossibly beautiful world."
<3
and more words from another truly amazing mama:
"the best, best part is experiencing this world again through innocent eyes. The wind, grass, sand, ocean, smells, etc. becomes new and amazing. It's so much fun! I forgot what a piece of grass tickling your nose was like or when the wind blows taking that chance to stand there and let it suck you in or take away the stress from the day."
"Being a mom is the best experience of your life, but also the hardest."
"Don't worry. Once you have that baby, a motherly instinct goes into full effect. Your baby lives inside of you for 9 months and during that time I believe that your souls become connected."
I loved the one about experiencing all the small things again for the first time...walking on grass in bare feet...what a strange feeling that would be for the first time? Looking at the clouds, listening to the birds...the things that we just become accustomed to and no longer pay any attention...the really beautiful small things.
It was definitely overwhelming when we read that pregnancy test...but that was nearly 5 1/2 months ago...and during that time we've seen him grow from a small bean into a baby...with a profile, hands, feet, eyelashes, fingerprints! We've learned that it's a boy...a little boy. We've felt him move around inside of me...inside of my body! This body that I've always been so familiar with and is suddenly changing...doing things it's never done before. Growing, growing, growing! I've danced with him, put headphones to my belly and felt his reaction to the music...We sing to him, and talk to him because he hears us, and recognizes our voices. Everyday it's something new. When I laugh my belly jiggle like a bowlful of jelly! I understand now! haha! I imagine he is in there jiggling too!
Anyway...this has been my thinking pattern. A new connection to motherhood. Women who have children love touching my belly. Japanese women LOVE touching my belly...and freak out when they learn it's a boy...boys are like gold over here. I'll keep the belly pictures coming.
I'm taking a trip home this week to see family. The future Grandparents need to see me all preggo and feel baby Luke before he gets here. So there will be lots of picture taking I assume.
Remember the women who brought us into this world. :)
